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Originally uploaded by theurbankazoo.

The Orange Kazoo : 09/19/2004 - 09/26/2004

Friday, September 24, 2004

 

Hmm....

I was invited to two events this weekend. The first one is a Vampire party. The second is the S&M Fair. With choices like that, who needs movies and Haagen Daaz? Surprisingly I won't be attending either one. For some reason I just don't feel like getting bitten or whipped. What bothers me more is that I only get invited to events that relate to sex. Why is that?
Nothing is really going on these days. Perhaps tomorrow. Tonight it's Ben and Jerry's and a 20/20 Special for this girl.

Monday, September 20, 2004

 

TV Post

Flavor Flav needs to come live with me-today. I think I might be one of the few in the world who isn't sickened by his relations with Brigitte-I want them married ASAP. It's just too gross and weird to hate.
I take back what I said about the "Real World." I mean, yeah, everyone sucks...but it's entertaining to watch them as they suck. Plus I like the way that one girl is never on camera. She's my favorite.
"Big Brother 5" needs to die-immediately.

 

Shalom, everyone!!!!!!!!!

Sorry it's been so long, but I'm back now. So, I saw the same homeless man agian who I helped celebrate his birthday with. Here's our most recent dialogue.

Him-Do you have any spare change? Today is my birthday! I turn seventy today!
Me-Um, that's what you told me last week, sir.
Him-No, it really is.
Me-Sir, now come on. We've got to do better than this. That birthday thing can only work for so long. You have to switch it up sometimes.
Him-It's my birthday today!
Me-Alright, let's try wedding anniversary.
Him-Hmmm...
Me-How about that?
Him-That's my problem now. I married a Japanese woman and she took all my money and my little son and left me and went back to Japan.
Me-Aww, sir! I could've told you that was going to happen.
Him- (sadly) Yeah.
Me-Alright, how about Christmas? You can say that everyday is Christmas.
Him-Merry Christmas.
Me-Exactly. Now here's a dollar, sir. And remember to mix it up.
Him-Alright. Hey, I need three more. Do you have any more?

Anyway, that was that encounter. Recently, Bryn and I were at dinner when we began a conversation with an attractive Jewish guy named Matt. He goes to the law school at New College and he lives at Ansonia Abby with us. We got into a conversation about books and he asked us if we had ever tried to wrote a novel. I said that I had written about seventy pages about a group of depressed people a couple of years ago. Bryn said she had written a book when she was six about ponies. We decided to combine the idea and we came up with the novel, Sad Ponies. Then Bryn suggested that we have a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, so that if you turned to one page your pony died and etc. One of her ideas was that if you selected a certain page, your pony got lynched and I added that it was because it was a black pony. Then, I said something that truly made me realize how racist I'm becoming. I said, "Well, if you pick a yellow pony, you get to move to San Francisco." Isn't that horrible? I want to take this moment to deeply apologize to the Asian community for even letting these words fall from my mouth. Being of an ethnicity, I feel very guilty. But it's true. If you picked a yellow pony, it probably would move to San Francisco. I'm just stating the facts here, people. Just stating the facts.
Then I asked Matt about his rap CD. I had found out from this alcoholic girl that Matt had a rap CD and I was really excited to hear it since I had talked to Matt and he was as whitebread as you get. Well, he gave me a copy. He has a rap song on it called, "Shalom." Perhaps you did not read that correctly if you're not dead from the horror. "Shalom!" I know you love that, Britney Padre Price, but I'm sorry, that is not urban. If anybody wants a copy of the CD, e-mail me. It's worth it. Until next time....shalom!

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