Originally uploaded by theurbankazoo.

The Orange Kazoo : 08/29/2004 - 09/05/2004

Friday, September 03, 2004



So much to say. I have to break it up into more than one post. But just so you know what's coming or if I forget anything, remember these topics:
1. The Urban Kazoo Master goes to get a psychic reading.
2. The Urban Kazoo Master takes the bus for the first time.
3. Myuko goes to a party and also mysteriously leaves at exactly the same time of night again...hmm...
4. Elementary school kids

In this post I'll talk about the bus. So myself and friend Bryn went to the movies today. To get there we had to take the bus. There were no seats left so we just clung to the metal bars overhead. Well, at first there's this great woman with schizophrenia who was having a very disturbing argument with herself. Before today I had never seen anyone tell themself off before.
Then a man with a cane got on the bus and sat next to these two elderly Asian women who were in deep conversation. Evrey once in awhile he'd say things to them in English like, "Wow, you ladies sure can talk!" And, "Well aren't you gonna insult each other?" But the best part is when he looks at them with this straight face and says, "You ladies going to the beach?" God, I fell in love with this man. He was hysterical. Eventually one of the ladies got up to leave the bus and the man offered his sympathy to the other woman with, "Well, maybe I can talk to you instead." However, another Asian lady got on and instead he asked her to make conversation with the other so she wouldn't get lonely. Well, our stop came and I didn't have time to propose to the man before we exited. But he'll be in my heart.

Thursday, September 02, 2004


Myuko Rocks My Sox!

First I have a spelling correction. I think you spell it "Myuko", but I'm still not sure. Anyway...let me update you like I said I would.
Ok, so after updating the blog, I had to get out of this place, so I walked downtown a bit. Bought some thumb tacks (to help decorate my room), saw a man get beaten up by a homeless man with a fierce cane swoop, and I bought some books from a lady who could barely put down her hacky sack long enought to help me. Then I went downstairs and read awhile. That's when I ran into Bryn-remember her from New College Orientation? Well, I hung out with her awhile and she convinced me that all would be alright in the end. I offered her a Juice Squeeze-my California obsession-and went up to the room to get a couple. That's when I had my first minor...wait, I'm boring you to death I'm sure because I'm boring my OWN self to death. Let's just get down to it, shall we? Myuko is AWESOME! She barely speaks any English so she says all these great things.
For example, at like 11 o'clock last night, she told me she was going running, and I was like, "Myuko, you're going running at ll?" And then she laughed and laughed and typed something into her hand-held computer translator and said, "Oh no. I go leaving." And then she laughed and left for nearly an hour. She then returned and took a shower (which she called a bath) and headed to bed. But God....the things this girl said! I'll never be able to make you understand. But I did find out that Myuko is 22 and she arrived in America last week. She's also enrolled in a school here to learn English and she'll be my roomate for 2 months. I looooove her. This morning she was even kind enough to bring me a banana from breakfast. I also think she might be sleeping with the night-shift deskman, but I've yet to confirm that. I just know he calls her at all times of the day and she leaves the room at weird times. I will do some detective work and update on this later. But I wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive and kazooin'.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004


Literally Lost in Translation...

Oh my God...oh my God. You'll never believe!
Let me give you the backdrop story first, then I'll fill you in on what has me so unhappy.
Before I left home, my mother used to always joke about how my roomate at Annsonia Abby was going to be this girl named Mayuko who barely spoke English and always "accidentally" got me in trouble with my mom by picking up my phone and being like, "Oh, hi Mrs. Busby! Jill out prostituting. You want me tell her call you when she gets in?" You get the idea?
So anyway, I'd always laugh and sorta add to the stories and all that. Well, today I moved into Annsonia Abby and I get to the front desk and the woman's like, "Let me call your roomate first and tell her that you're here. She's from Japan." Already I'm thinking what a coincedence that is. Then I get up to the room and I see her. She's exactly as my mom said she would be...down to the detail of her favorite color being pink! And I'm hesitant by now, but I go ahead and ask her what her name is. What does she reply? What does she reply? MAYUKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?! What kind of crap is that? Besides the fact that this living situation is going to be unbearable, I think the spirits of the paranormal have taken over my mom!!!!! You guys, this is ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous. A girl like that probably doesn't even know what a kazoo IS! Let alone an URBAN kazoo!
Luckily, by the time I left the room after meeting her, walked Kim down to her car, and called my mother to tell her about how she had cursed me...Mayuko was gone. Sadly enough for her, I don't think she exactly loves ME either. SO what are we to do? Make due I guess. It all just seems so odd.
SO besides my mom being a frightening lady, nothing else has really happened yet. But be sure to check the site later for the update on what actually will happen when Mayuko comes back and we have to TALK. The horror.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004


I Return...

So mostly today after lunch (which was orgasmic), I just explored my new city. I made friends with one particular homeless woman. I was the first person to give her money all day and so she's sorta got my back now. Plus, she said I was very pretty...good taste, this woman. Anyway, that's my buddy.
I also bought the soundtrack to the best movie to come out in the past year-"Garden State." I saw it last week, and let me be the one to tell you, that Zach Braff is a genius with a capital G-E-N-I-U-S! Natalie Portman gives her best performance ever and there is an awesome supporting cast. I loved it. It had everything...well, except for most important thing-a mothertootin' kazoo!
Padre (Britney the Price is Right for those of you who don't know) and I are starting a club for puns called "Delivering the PUNishment." Let me know if you're interested!
God...for such an eventful day, nothing really happened.


SO Far....

It was an early morning for this kazoo-totin' gal. I had to turn those papers in and now I'm waiting around for 12 o'clock so I can have some lunch. i'm going to indulge and go to this great Taqueria down the street. They have the BEST burritos. I would have sex with Gary Coleman in exchange for a burrito. Hmm....let me think about that first. A guy like Gary would have different strokes if you know what I mean ;)
I'll return....

this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, August 30, 2004


One of Them Days

I didn't so a darn thing today and enjoyed it for the most part. I did decide that I need a new addiction. You see, during the summer I was addicted to heroin and the SIMS DELUXE ADDITION. But now that school's about to start, I could use a habit. Everything's so cliche now. I mean, alcoholism-so 2001! Maybe instead I'll just get a ultra-hip new spiritual bag. I could be into that Kaballah thing, yo! Everybody's doing it-Madonna, Britney, Stone Phillips (still getting the official ruling on that). And I mean, I AM a celeb in my own right. Hell, I'm that kazoo girl. I'll start that tomorrow-oooooh, no! I can't because I'm going into the city tomorrow. I need to drop off some papers at New College. Oh well....
I've also decided that my ultimate goal in life is not to be on "The Real World" anymore. It's sad but true. If I get stuck on a bad season (meaning one without a token black guy that everyone hates or a girl with a southern drawl), my entire identity is ruined for the rest of my life. Instead, I want to be on "Big Brother." Oh how I loooove that show. It's as real as you get besides "Cheaters" (that's a joke, by the way). If you're not a fan, become one. You're not too late because Karen is still on there and she's almost as important to me as my beloved Coral...wait, what am I saying?

Sunday, August 29, 2004


Lost in Starvation...

I don't like sushi at all. I think I shall die in this place...in this place where everyone eats sushi. There is no Golden Corral here...no Waffle House...no hope.


And that's why I hate lettuce...

I have a rant today. I must rant, rant, rant! I must rant until my toes fall off. I must rant until I'm incoheRANT! Better to rant and get it out of one's system than to later be seen as close-minded and intoleRANT.
Ok, I hate cell phones. Yes, I do. I'll tell you why. Before I left for San Fran, my stepdad went out and bought the entire family these Motorola picture phones, right? I thought I was the shit. I thought that I put the shit in shit. But the problem with cell phones is that them people are always coming out with a new one. Just when I think I'm the most urbanest girl ever, I go to the mall with my mom's friend to help her pick out a new phone. I'm thinking to myself, "Well, she can't do any better than mine, because not only does mine have the choice of 5 different text colors, but it plays 'Sweet Home Alabama' when it rings." But no...no...no...no...no! Kim's (mom's friend) has a motherfreakin' keyboard that flips out from a secret compartment. Diz-AMN! I mean, what else? Freaking Keanu Reaves comes out of the phone on command and it also makes her Toaster Streudel...ok, some of that isn't true, but the keyboard part is! She can send e-mail with a freakin' computer keyboard-yes, like the one before you only miniature!
So now, my phone looks like a piece of crap. I hate it. But in times like this, I think, "But can anyone else conjure up them sweet melodic bits of perfection that you do when playing a kazoo?" And the answer is no, my pals. The answer be's no

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