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Originally uploaded by theurbankazoo.

The Orange Kazoo : 08/22/2004 - 08/29/2004

Saturday, August 28, 2004

 

Hmmm...

I forgot to put the ad of the day. The ad of the day is this thing I'm going to do on this blog where I post an ad from the Bay Area papers that sounds funny. Sort of like a Late Show thing only with more estrogen and less commentary from a sax player from my Late Show band.

PASS ANY DRUG TEST!

Urine, blood, hair follicle or saliva.
http://www.ipassedmydrugtest.com


Here's another one just to start the week off right:

BLOW JOBS

Slippery Nipples, Screaming Orgasms, and 159 other great cocktails. Get a sexy new career in 2 weeks at...SF SCHOOL OF BARTENDING
Lowest tuition in SF! Attend an intro class for FREE! 760 Market Street (Next to the Virgin Megastore)
http://www.sfbartending.com

There are many things funny about that last one. One of them being the fact that after all that sexual innuendo, it's located next door to VIRGIN Megastore. And who refers to a job as a bartender as a "sexy new career" or whatever? Plus, they feel the need to mention the fact that they have the cheapest tuition in San Francisco. I guess the hell so! Man...



 

In San Francisco...

SO those of you who have followed me from the old blog- http://theurbankazoo.motime.com know that I have moved from the small southern town of Auburn, Alabama to the land of sin and hair dye, also known as San Francisco.
I visited my new college-appropriately named, New College (haha) one day only to get lost on the subway system (BART) for an hour, give away all of my money to the homeless (Karma, baby, karma...), and get approached by a very large older man who serenaded me with "Slow Motion" by the rapper Juvenile. I've learned that the sanitation workers are indeed very friendly people when your ass is big enough...good to know.
Anyways, this is all before arriving. Now once I did get there, I discovered that this little New College meetup was basically just a social mixer and so I mingled and bought three bottles of the organic sparkling apple juice that the cafe sold. They only sell organic, it wasn't my choice. I met great people. Here are descriptions of some of my favorite:

Riki: Transgendered S&M prostitute, 35 years-old, brought a paddle with him/her to the mixer. Weapon of choice-WHIP.
Bryn: I walked downtown with her to look at thrift shops. She's from Canada, fairly tall, and came to the mixer with a cast due to falling down the stairs shortly before leaving for the states due to intoxication. Weapon of choice-JUICE AND GIN.
Um...this boy/girl...I can't remember EVERYONE'S freaking name. Deal with it: She/he was also transgendered, only it was a girl posing as a boy. She/he had a boyfriend who was transgendered as well. So what does that make her/him? Gay, straight, convenient? I have no idea. Weapon of Choice-DILDO...maybe?

Anyway, that's just a few. I'll make sure to update on more people when class starts. There was also a girl with long dreadlocks. Yeah, they were incredibly long, only to be outdone by her underarm hair.
After the mixer thing, I had an hour before my mom's friend who lives just outside of the city was supposed to meet me, so I ventured to the library. I took BART at a very relaxed time and so it wasn't as crowded as usual. This was a good thing because there was a girl on there who used to overhead bars as parallel bars and proceeded to perform various gymnastic routines on the ceiling of the subway. There is more that I will share later. But I basically wanted to welcome you to the new blog for a New College goer and promise that it won't be any less awesome than the last blog. You knows I be's comin' correct-and always urban...always urban.


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