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Originally uploaded by theurbankazoo.

The Orange Kazoo : Shalom, everyone!!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 20, 2004

 

Shalom, everyone!!!!!!!!!

Sorry it's been so long, but I'm back now. So, I saw the same homeless man agian who I helped celebrate his birthday with. Here's our most recent dialogue.

Him-Do you have any spare change? Today is my birthday! I turn seventy today!
Me-Um, that's what you told me last week, sir.
Him-No, it really is.
Me-Sir, now come on. We've got to do better than this. That birthday thing can only work for so long. You have to switch it up sometimes.
Him-It's my birthday today!
Me-Alright, let's try wedding anniversary.
Him-Hmmm...
Me-How about that?
Him-That's my problem now. I married a Japanese woman and she took all my money and my little son and left me and went back to Japan.
Me-Aww, sir! I could've told you that was going to happen.
Him- (sadly) Yeah.
Me-Alright, how about Christmas? You can say that everyday is Christmas.
Him-Merry Christmas.
Me-Exactly. Now here's a dollar, sir. And remember to mix it up.
Him-Alright. Hey, I need three more. Do you have any more?

Anyway, that was that encounter. Recently, Bryn and I were at dinner when we began a conversation with an attractive Jewish guy named Matt. He goes to the law school at New College and he lives at Ansonia Abby with us. We got into a conversation about books and he asked us if we had ever tried to wrote a novel. I said that I had written about seventy pages about a group of depressed people a couple of years ago. Bryn said she had written a book when she was six about ponies. We decided to combine the idea and we came up with the novel, Sad Ponies. Then Bryn suggested that we have a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, so that if you turned to one page your pony died and etc. One of her ideas was that if you selected a certain page, your pony got lynched and I added that it was because it was a black pony. Then, I said something that truly made me realize how racist I'm becoming. I said, "Well, if you pick a yellow pony, you get to move to San Francisco." Isn't that horrible? I want to take this moment to deeply apologize to the Asian community for even letting these words fall from my mouth. Being of an ethnicity, I feel very guilty. But it's true. If you picked a yellow pony, it probably would move to San Francisco. I'm just stating the facts here, people. Just stating the facts.
Then I asked Matt about his rap CD. I had found out from this alcoholic girl that Matt had a rap CD and I was really excited to hear it since I had talked to Matt and he was as whitebread as you get. Well, he gave me a copy. He has a rap song on it called, "Shalom." Perhaps you did not read that correctly if you're not dead from the horror. "Shalom!" I know you love that, Britney Padre Price, but I'm sorry, that is not urban. If anybody wants a copy of the CD, e-mail me. It's worth it. Until next time....shalom!

Comments:
Hey-I thought the idea about the book was really interesting. Please hurry and write it cause America, or maybe just me, is dying for some good, different fiction. I think everyone is now writing from a "dead" perspective-like, Lovely Bones, 5 People You Meet in Heaven... And it's so damn boring!

Anyway, was Matt cute. Lord knows he's have to be really smart if he goes to the law school...
 
Holy crap! This is my SOULMATE!! Tell him I wan't to be his Mahtza Ball Mama. Please. And fork over that cd pronto!

PADRE
 
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