Originally uploaded by theurbankazoo.

The Orange Kazoo : And that's why I hate lettuce...

Sunday, August 29, 2004


And that's why I hate lettuce...

I have a rant today. I must rant, rant, rant! I must rant until my toes fall off. I must rant until I'm incoheRANT! Better to rant and get it out of one's system than to later be seen as close-minded and intoleRANT.
Ok, I hate cell phones. Yes, I do. I'll tell you why. Before I left for San Fran, my stepdad went out and bought the entire family these Motorola picture phones, right? I thought I was the shit. I thought that I put the shit in shit. But the problem with cell phones is that them people are always coming out with a new one. Just when I think I'm the most urbanest girl ever, I go to the mall with my mom's friend to help her pick out a new phone. I'm thinking to myself, "Well, she can't do any better than mine, because not only does mine have the choice of 5 different text colors, but it plays 'Sweet Home Alabama' when it rings." But no...no...no...no...no! Kim's (mom's friend) has a motherfreakin' keyboard that flips out from a secret compartment. Diz-AMN! I mean, what else? Freaking Keanu Reaves comes out of the phone on command and it also makes her Toaster Streudel...ok, some of that isn't true, but the keyboard part is! She can send e-mail with a freakin' computer keyboard-yes, like the one before you only miniature!
So now, my phone looks like a piece of crap. I hate it. But in times like this, I think, "But can anyone else conjure up them sweet melodic bits of perfection that you do when playing a kazoo?" And the answer is no, my pals. The answer be's no

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